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I wonder when I’ll able to fall asleep... people would normally fall asleep when they are physically stress and mentally relax. You’ll find that good quality sleep is made up from these criteria. Physically, I’m fatigue already, but so does the mental state of my mind. Too much things linger in my mind and that restrain me even to yawn. People then would normally reply “take it easy, dude... free your mind, then you will feel comfortable.” Haha~ Right now, “stop from thinking something” is much difficult than “stop from thinking nothing”.  Or should I share with you what bothers me all this while? Yeah... perhaps you may make it different and perhaps you may lessen this so called burden? Haha~ I’m just kidding. How this could possible happen? Enough for what you already have. I don’t want you to have the same problems like me – thinking of my problems would cause you too can’t fall asleep. Do you get me now? It gave you the hint already...

Right now, I’m thinking about someone. I used to address this dilemma to one of my friend; “It would be so nice if I could “transfer” what I’m thinking right now to your mind so that I don’t have to speak them out” and he just smile and laugh. Had I stand in his position, I would also do the same thing. There are many things in this life that are too difficult to be described in words and letters, yet noticeable if they are expressed in other alternative methods. That’s why when it comes to legal disputes; conduct is an important circumstantial evidence before the court of law. Honestly speaking, my life is like an open book and I believe that it will always be like this. People would easily notice when I’m upset and cheer. But what remains a dispute is why or how I was in that mood. Haha~ But I’m a “direct” person. When there is something that makes me confuse, I would ask for clarity from those who know best even though it’s somthing that will cause my face turns into red in colour. Yeah I do remember asking “what’s wrong with male wearing white pants” or “how should I express my feeling to her, in a proper way?” When I’m feel like I’m wrong, I’ll not hesitate to say sorry even though sometimes I’m quite reluctant (coz I'm shy) to answer , when somebody asking, “Why and what for?”

[oh it’s already half page long, yet my eyes are even brighter]

Hm... it is better if try to have a wudhu’ first and try to sleep as much as I can. Whatever it’s,

I love my parents,
I love my brothers and sister,
I love my friends, and
I love my cats. (big smile)

I really which if they know how big or how deep of what I feel like. It is really big and really deep enough to sink all the white sheep and their entire population that I’ve already counted in my mind (yet never fall asleep). What makes me worry is not whether they are also have the same feeling or how it is really like, but how long I could share this feeling with them coz the clock is ticking and people would have another new dimension of their lives. Of course, these are not gonna be the same as what we previously had, anymore. After this, Ridzuan would have his PHD in medic, Aishah will never come back to Malaysia and Sheila would soon be a caring wife and mother. That remind me about Badrul who used to say, “You don’t have to worry very much, we will always keep in touch. A complicated person who had few friends like you would always appreciate who you already knew, and we knew who you really are.” Perhaps, I’m not good in memorising numbers, figures, direction-where-to-go or stages-how-to-do but sometimes, I’m good of memorising or imitating what people had talked to me. So no wonder I can remember many drama script on the teley. Oh, it’s near 3 a.m.

For Badrul, Al-Fatihah.


p/s: even though I don’t know you, what you do and who you are, you are also counted :) Zzzz......